Worst Customers Ever Pt. 3, The Finale/The Posers

Posers
There are so many types of posers that I'm going to break them down into 3 sub categories .

Peace Posers
These are the literally hundreds of people, who are obviously Bush-loving ignorant idiots, that for some reason now want to have peace signs on everything they own. They don't care about the war they just want to be trendy. It's ridiculous to suddenly start saying that you love peace and want to support it when a year ago you defended water boarding and invading Iran. Peace is not just a symbol you fucking r'tards. Peace is an ideal and if you support it then support it but don't be a poser. Please push that shiny new peace pin into your eyes and then drive blindly into traffic.

MMA Posers

Fucking guys who wear Tapout shirts. If your an mma fighter then cool (please don't beat me up) but if your not then never wear that shirt. You look like a douche and in fact are a douche. Seriously it's not that cool to look like a sweaty oily man hulk that is going to get his face punched in (or do some face punching) unless you are in fact that very thing (again please don't arm bar me or something). Another thing if you're fat and wear one of those shirts then you just look like a handler of sweaty oily man hulks. Even more gay! Please pick a fight with a real MMA fighter and remember to keep your hands LOW.

Hipster/Counter-culture Posers
These Fucking people. They have this I'm so fucking cool and ahead of trends that it's a pleasure for you to meet me. Get fucked. Listen Sven or whatever your stupid douche name is, you may listen to terrible indie music and wear retro shirts but you are not a rebel. Most of you idiot are far from counter culture. It doesn't count if you bought your retro shirt at the mall with money you got from working at The GAP. The only reason you wear a Andy Warhol shirt or talk about how much you hate MTV is because you think it will make people like you and you'll be accepted by the culture you "hate" so much. Also you can't be a counter culture hipster that works a Wal-Mart. Period. Or shops there. Period. Please wear you "cool" and "retro" outfit in to the wrong neighborhood and get shot.

Now I think I'll just list some other more specific customers that I hate

Kids
Super-old and senile people
Drunks
Most everyone buying body jewelry
People who think Weed The Game is ''cool''
People who ride Razor scooter and are not 5 years old
Pissy middle aged women
Pissy middle aged men
Tri-cities "Gangstas"
People who throw things in the store
People who want things off the wall then don't buy them
People who return things
People who ask why?
Guys with no shirts on
Jail bait
People with accents other then Irish, Scottish, English, and Australian
Girls who "think" they can pull off a tube top
Horny methheads
Methheads in general
Crackheads
Neo-Nazis
Way-too-gay guys (look I get it your gay that's fine. Take it easy, eh?)
People who I can't decide whether they are crack heads or mentally handicapped
The mentally handicapped (Without handlers. Harsh but it's scary you know?)
Idiots
Jackasses
Bitches
Fuckers
and
Most everyone else...

Randel: Yeah, I hate the customers at the video store too.
Dante: Which ones?
Randel: All of them...
-Clerks

Worst Customers Ever Pt. 2: Electric Boogaloo

More of the worst customers ever:

Juggalos
Fans of some of the worst fucking music in the world, The Insane Clown Posse (and their ilk). They never seem to have showered or care to ever shower. A particularly horrible fact considering they all wear black fucking clothes and walk everywhere (too poor for cars and too dumb for jobs). Worst BO ever. Seriously sometimes you can smell them before you ever see them. They Always have one idiot blaring some terrible rap/rock bullshit. The stupid hatchet man is on everything they wear. They are also obsessed with Faygo soda. Therein lies my joy. We used to carry Faygo soda until last year when the supplier went out of business. Now I take great pleasure in telling these idiots that we don't have it and you probably can't get it in the state anymore.
Please blare your terrible music until you bleed to death out of your ears.

Idiot Parents
Listen if you are irresponsible enough to have a little idiot version of yourself, you must now take care of it. I make minimum wage to come here and sell you stupid shit and fold shirt. Not to spend hours watching and cleaning up after your hellspawn. I really don't need a kid in my life. Especially one I didn't get to fuck a girl to make. Just because you don't care about your kid doesn't mean someone else does. Please crash your car on the way home and make sure the kid is in the front seat. (A bit harsh)


Stupid Teenage Girls (and sometimes boys)
"Oh my god, that's so cute!" "Blah Blah Blah Blah Fucking Blah" Shut the fuck up for a few seconds!! And no, we don't have "piercings". We have body jewelry and if you don't know the difference you should not be poking holes in your face. Also you can't actually get high from incense. Please find a stupid teenage boy and let him fuck you to death.

Stay Tuned.

The Finale still to come.

Worst Customers Ever Pt. 1

For those of you that don't know, I work at a gift shop. I'm a clerk. So everyday I have the supreme displeasure of dealing with the public. What follows are the worst types of customers I have to deal with on a regular basis.

Rednecks
Fucking rednecks. The shop I work at has a reputation as either a den of liberal sin or the cool place for stoners to hang out. So everyday I get to deal with at least one stoned redneck saying something racist about Obama or bitching about our anti republican stuff. Look dumb asses the store is named after a Beatles song so of-fucking-course we're all liberals. Not that you know any Beatles songs. After all they have no songs about drinking tequila before dinner or killing foreigners. Please shoot each other on the next huntin trip.

Old Burnt-Up Hippies
These people have smoked themselves double retarded. They can't even remember how to dress properly. Honestly it's easier to deal with mentally handicapped people than it is to deal with these idiots. At least you can make them happy. Please die of old age already.

Anyone who rides a "Longboard" skateboard
Seriously. It sounds like a stereotype but every person who comes in with one of those stupid things is a complete and utter douche. They either think they're surfers and therefore have that "I'm so fucking cool my shit smells like the ocean" attitude or they're so stoned that they can't even speak anything that resembles English. Mostly just ''Dude'' And "that's tight". Also they always smell like ass. Probably from riding around town without shirts all day, sweating. Please skate in front of a bus.

MORE TO COME.
BEING KICKED OFF COMPUTER.

The Awesomeness of Snickers Dark Bars and Disrepectful Youths

I worked a real shift today, 9:30 to 5. So around 12:30 I got my lunch break and decided to have a bagel sandwich. Delicious. I then went to the SunMart and bought a Snicker Dark Bar the best damn candy bar that has ever been made, ever, by man or by god. Seriously. Best. Enjoyed it as I walked back to work. A few stores from work I could hear some commotion. Three skater douche type teenagers yelling at at an old lady for parking in a spot that blocked their skating. Now if I had not been mellowed out by my Delicious Snickers Dark Bar I might have said something (and ran, those little fuckers are dangerous). Later I was so pissed. Like old man pissed. Fuck them hooligans. People have to park, assholes. Moral of the story? Snickers dark bars will solve any anger issues you might have. I might have. So I think I should eat them constantly. I can almost hear the fat jokes...
Also Fuck Teenagers.



And Skaters Douche Types.




Except Tony Hawk.



He seems like a nice man.

Fast Food VS Me

So I decided a while back to stop eating fast food for various reasons (money issues & my fat ass mostly). It is certainly not the first time I've done so. As a matter of fact it's probably the fourth of filth time this year alone. Now, the first week or so is usually pretty hard. Mostly out of habit or laziness I would want to just stop at McDonald's or something on the way home from work. After the first couple of times of resisting temptation it becomes much easier. After that first week fast food starts becoming more and more unappealing. You literally start to wonder why anyone, including your former self, would ever eat it. But...

There always comes a moment, sometimes months in when you get sneak attacked by fast food, like some kind of fat ninja. This last time I was able to avoid fast food for about two and a half months. I was all up on the high horse with my "I don't need that shit in my body" or "look at those people and their Big Macs, Ew". Then I come home from work one day and in the fridge was some left over Panda Express. MOTHER FUCK PANDA EXPRESS!!!! I LOVE IT. I decided I'd have some of the leftovers and that it didn't really count. Bullshit. I know. A god damned mistake. I know. I ate it anyway. I went about my evening and later went to bed. The next day I was off work and woke up at about noonish. Lunchtime. And the only thing I could even imagine eating was Panda-fuck-Express. With it's fucking cute fat tits panda mascot and delicious Orange Chicken.

I cant really blame Panda Express (or pandas) for my lack of will power. That was all me. I went and I partook. Orange Chicken. Chow Mien. Egg Roll. Largy Dr. Pepper. Next day my Fast Food fast was broken along with my spirits. It was all my fault too. Or there is cocaine in Panda Express food. Probably my fault. I'm currently planning a new and improved try at this whole thing. See if I can kick the shit for real this time. Wish me luck.

Soccer (football) Damn You!!

Wednesday the U.S. soccer team beat the number one team in the world, Spain 2-0 in the Confederations Cup. Spain had not lost a game in their last 35 international matches. The U.S. was final bound for the first time ever in a FIFA tournament. As a soccer fan this was the biggest upset of all time. Spirits were insanely high for us weirdos. Thursday Brazil beat South Africa 1-0 for the other spot in the final. Now a week ago there was no way any one would give the us a chance in hell against Brazil but after Spain, anything was possible. I was all over watching this game and excited as mother fucking shit. BUT....I worked all day on Saturday. Also it was Cool Desert Nights or as i call it: Idiot-asshole-dumbass-car-fuckers-horrible-cunt-cluster-fucka-rama featuring dumbest fuck customers ever. I came home and played Bad Company until way too late. I fell asleep until about 1:00pm on Sunday. I woke up to hear that the U.S. had blown a 2-0 halftime lead and lost 3-2 to Brazil. I was so fucking disappointed I turned the TV off without even watching the highlights. It's been a while since I had hope in anything at all, really and what happens? Disappointment. There you have it soccer proves that all hope is gone. No we can't.

MySpace Left Behind (#1)

For the longest time I've only been blogging through my MySpace profile. However since I started using Twitter (sweet-ish) MySpace (lame-ish) is falling by the wayside. There for I bring you my blog that is Not For Human Minds. (Warning my blogs will contain horrible language and lots of bitching and extremly personal informantion and sexually graphic content)